The Fine Art of Putting It Down

Hello, lovely readers. Yes, it's been a while. If you noticed the newsletter went quiet for a couple of months, well done, that's your awareness muscle getting stronger. If you didn't notice, that's also fine, because a large part of my recovery has been learning that the world does not revolve around me. Imagine that.

It's all about taking a break from things, even the things we love, and I have what those in the trade call "recent personal experience". For two months I stepped back from this newsletter. And here's the confession: nobody forced me to. There was no crisis, no drama. There was just a quiet voice inside me saying "I love doing this" and, slightly quieter, "and I am starting to resent it", and I have learned (eventually, with repetition, like a slow learner at a driving test centre) to listen to the second voice before it starts shouting.

In my codependency, my default setting was to keep going. Keep going when tired, keep going when overwhelmed, keep going because people are counting on me, and because somewhere deep down I believed that my worth was measured in output. Rest, I thought, was for people who hadn't yet found enough to do.

What I am practising now is different. Recovery has taught me that putting something down, even temporarily, even something joyful, is not quitting or letting people down. It's looking after myself, which is the foundation everything else is built on. The newsletter was still here when I came back. The fellowship was still here. Funny how the things we fear will collapse without us turn out to be rather good at standing up on their own. There's a lesson in that about my own self-importance, and it was free.

A break also gave me something I didn't expect: it gave the work back its joy. Two months off and I found I was looking forward to writing again rather than grinding through it. The cup had refilled, mostly by me not standing there watching it.

So that's my share. I took a break. It was uncomfortable at first, because my old patterns don't much like being ignored. But nobody suffered, least of all me, and the newsletter survived.

And now, a gentle word from the small print. This newsletter is put together by a very small team. A team so small, statistically, that I've met all of us. We would love more fellows to join us: people with ideas, people who want to write or edit, people with experience, strength and hope to share, or people who just fancy being part of it and seeing what happens. No experience is necessary, and input can be as regular or as occasional as suits you. More hands means we can get back to a monthly rhythm and the newsletter isn't dependent on one or two people remembering to take their own advice about breaks. If you'd like to join us, do get in touch. We're friendly. Mostly sane. Sometimes on a break.

Thanks for reading, and welcome back to me.

communications@codauk.org

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Patterns in Perspective

This simple comparison tool is designed to offer a gentle mirror for your journey, not a checklist to judge yourself against.

Codependency is often invisible until we learn to name it. By placing the patterns we once lived by alongside the behaviors we cultivate in recovery, we can see the distance we have traveled and the growth that is possible. Please read these contrasts with kindness toward yourself. Recovery is not about perfection, it is about progress, awareness, and choosing a different path one day at a time.

Denial Patterns

Codependents Often: Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.

In Recovery: I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.

Low Self-Esteem Patters

Codependents Often: Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.

In Recovery: I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.

Compliance Patterns

Codependents Often: Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.

In Recovery: I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.

Control Patterns

Codependents Often: Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.

In Recovery: I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.

Avoidance Patterns

Codependents Often: Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.

In Recovery: I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.

To download the full list of patterns and characteristics,
click here -> Patterns-of-Recovery-2015.pdf.